


Perfect and Broken ()

by lilyintheshadow



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Amnesia, Anxiety, Dreams and Nightmares, Happy Ending, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Steve Rogers, Translation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 17:42:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8336905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilyintheshadow/pseuds/lilyintheshadow
Summary: Steve's life is broken, because he lost Bucky. But now he finds Bucky is still alive and he will do everything he can to bring Bucky back. At last his life is perfect again.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [完美与破碎](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/236593) by fox^^. 



> the author is fox^^, I am just a translator.   
> fox^^ is my best friend. she wrote many wonderful stories and I like them very much. I hope you will like them too.  
>  I am not very good at English. if you find anything wrong , please point out, I will fix it.

Perfect and Broken: kiss  
1  
Steve has never thought about the relationship between he and Bucky in another direction.

For a man in the 21st century, It is hard to imagine the taboos of that era . At that time most people were very harsh for something and they thought that a young man did not like a girl, or a girl did not like a young man, was a very distorted and unnatural thing. If you had this problem, then you'd better hide it, as a dirty little secret, never been seen in the light.

One time Steve saw some hooligans blocking a young man in the alley and beating him. They said he had done dirty things in the public toilets, calling him "a pervert", "dirty gay ", and some other insulting nickname . He rushed to help and the result was that he was badly beaten too. At last Bucky helped them out.

After that, the young man wanted to buy them a drink, but he didn’t mention the thing at all that just had happened , as if which automatically had disappeared from the air. 

As soon as he got to the bar, he began flirting with the hostess, claiming that his injuries had been inflicted by several cowards that had been scared by Hitler and then made a date with her.

They all knew he would not meet the date, because he did not look at Steve and Bucky's eyes when he did these things. Finish his drink , he paid and left.

Later, Steve saw him several times in the street. He greeted him, but he pretended not to hear him.

The last time he saw the man was in the conscription office, when he was showing his "beloved girl’s" photos to others. At this time he looked at Steve’s eyes and smiled at him, as if nothing had happened before. Then he joined the army, and of course, Steve was filtered out again.

Steve went back and talked about this thing with Bucky. Bucky curled his lip , but they did not spend more time on this man. Then they talked about the war , Steve not participating in conscription and the situation in Europe. During that time, around their topic it was always the war.

In short, at that time, this kind of thing seemed to had been automatically cleaned from the air and slipped away from the people's attention. It was only a world which had good buddies, war, wine and girls .

Yes, he never thought more about the relationship with Bucky.

After he rescued Bucky from the Hydra, Bucky slipped into his room at night.

As Captain America, he had a very good tent. He needed not to shared the tent with other soldiers, because the army had been treating him as a show star.

They put the quilt on the ground, and built a small warm comfortable area . It seemed they were back to their childhood, at which time they had put sofa cushions on the ground and had pretended it was a fortress.

Their knees touching each other, arm contacting sometimes, they felt each other's body temperature and breathing. When he was a child, Steve had knew that the existence of a person could actually make the other person feel so satisfied, as if the world was no longer lacking of anything

He looked at his friend, eyes shining, feeling very pleased.

Nobody said it was wrong. Bucky and he was always together. they had not thought about the relationship between them, and they had never talked about that.

During that time people did not casually make a joke about the relationship between two men, because some of the words as a joke would be dangerous. People would say it was a comradeship when they were close.

That night, he woke up and saw Bucky sleeping well next to him. Bucky’s breathing was evenly and there was a half smile around the corners of his mouth , as if he had a good dream. Steve could feel the heat from his body.

Something in his heart was overflowing. Bucky was here, warm, alive, breathing, and he would smile at him when he woke up in the morning. He would grab his shoulder and talk to him. Steve suddenly realized the simplest thing had been brought him such a big happiness.

He put his hand on his shoulder, just like touching a comrade-in-arms. He thought, he just wanted to make sure he was still there suddenly.

He poked his short hair down, and it fell off again, so he fixed it.

 

"Steve?" Bucky said With a drowsy voice, the voice hazy, not completely clear.  
"Nothing," Steve said. "Just glad you're here."

Bucky smiled, and it was a lazy and warm smile, indicating that he was relaxed, felt very safe, didn’t want to wake up.  
"If you want to kiss me, it's a good time," he said.

Steve laughed because it was a joke.  
For a moment, they lay in bed, watching each other quietly, and then Bucky reached out and rubbed his blond hair and said, "Sleep, tomorrow will be a tough day."

 

Steve nodded, with warmth and satisfaction, and fell asleep again.

At that night, they did not really understand what it meant to be "tomorrow will be a tough day". They were too young and felt that nothing was too late. They didn’t understand that it was their doom they would lose something important at last. They were very sure, One day, they would win the war,and then lived a happy life in their apartment in Brooklyn, just like before.

Both of them.

After Winter soldier had been caught by the shield, once imprisoned in their prison, Steve went to there all day .

He watched Natasha interrogating of the winter soldier. She asked him if he remembered what had happened, and where he had fired at her, and whom the man had shot dead was after the bullet was through her.

The man sat in the interrogation stage, hands and feet handcuffed, but still extremely dangerous. His eyes slowly moved with her moving. He looked like a beast killing people at any time , which was only thing left in his mind.

No, he did not remember her.

At first, Fury thought it was not a good idea to let Steve see him, that would only make him more unstable. But Steve insisted, and he stepped back. It is probably he who wants to see if the situation can be worse.

Steve steps into the interrogation room, feeling that Bucky has been stretched all the way up. The way he staring at Steve is different from the way he staring at Natasha. He seems extremely nerves as if a dangerous creature has come into this room and he can’t do anything to it. So he is panic and angry.

 

"Bucky," Steve says, looking at the man cuffed in the chair. He looks back at him for two seconds, then avoiding his eyes, confused and irritable, as if Steve 's eyes would hurt him.

"I'm Steve, Steve Rogers," Steve says. "Do you remember me, Bucky? We used to live in Brooklyn. You're my best friend. You ..."

The other man moves a bit, the metal cuffs issuing a fragile moan. At the same time the agents around them put the gun up, the sound of opening the metal fuse of collision rising , cold and crisp.

"Hey, it's ok !" Steve shouts, standing up, raising his hand to appease the people around him, and then say to Bucky, "ok , ok, Bucky, no one will hurt you."

Winter soldier stares at him, looks more than a little irritable, is so helpless. If he is not handcuffed in the chair, he would rush to him and kill him next second , to terminate the source of this disorder.

"I'm not fucking Bucky," he says gloomily. "I can not remember."  
"I'll help you remember that," Steve says, smiling at him.

The other man becomes silent for a few seconds, and moves the eyes to stare into the wall. He does not say a word again. It is so empty and dark his eyes are that has been dug all by a long brainwashing and frost, even the sadness is cold.

The doctors of the shield said to Steve that he had little chance of recovery, and Steve thinks it is a "no hope" euphemism. But he refuses to believe that. He is a stubborn boy since his childhood, refusing to accept some things he could do nothing, and then step back.

They do not understand, that now it is Steve who hold up this thing , even if that would hurt him black and blue. He just can’t let it go.

Then Steve goes there everyday and occasionally sees Stark making a cup of extra-strong coffee. Stark always seems stay up all night long and says, "visit your civil partner, Captain."

This makes Steve a little embarrassed. Stark always likes to kidding him like this, and he always does not know how to deal with.

So he says hello in a hurry, and leaves the room. When he leaves, also hear Stark shouting to him in his back , "you should apply for a private space for a few days, to Fury . It is seventy years. It is too inhuman they don’t give you two a chance to intimidate . "

Steve escapes to Bucky's room, Bucky’s looking at him murderously and gloomy . He looks like any one of the killers who have been locked in and lost memory and brainwashing.

Steve smiled at him and sat down next to him .  
"Bucky.” he says.

The other one seems to be stabbed by this smile and the name. He stared at him fiercely, and then looked down at the table.

"Today they installed a new program to my car, a new air-conditioning system or something. It can accurately imitate the weather in most cities in the world, I don’t know how it works, and what I can do with it. You remember, we used to ... "Steve says, the other one ignores him.

Steve wondered if he'd ever been confused with the changes in the world between missions, about the phone, the aircraft carrier, or the Internet when he occasionally waking up. But he wondered if he had the feeling that it was more surprise a newer type of weapon coming ,or killing people more efficient.

So he talks about what he felt when he just woke up and went to the streets of New York . it was really like a bizarre foreign world, he was longing to go home; when he first saw the phone, others told him this stuff was a phone, He thought it must be a joke. He acted like a fool before a girl who liked him, because he didn’t understand her joke. At that moment , her looking at his eyes made him feel that he was indeed 90 years old, and did not fit her.

‘Coming to this era, feels like walking through a different world’, he says, ‘it is difficult to put you into it, but can’t find a way back home , because this is your home.’

The other one looks at him gloomy , and his attitude is much better than before. And before when Steve was in this room, he was showing overly anxious. Fury said maybe Steve should stay away from him for a while, but Steve did not want to do that.

He can hide himself in a place where Bucky can’t see, but the result is Bucky remaining apathy and alienation and becoming more like the winter soldier.

The door opens and Stark comes in. He reluctantly hands the cup to the agent behind him. He yelled, "He is handcuffed by a high-strength alloy and is pointed by so many guns , but they think he will cut off my throat with a cup of debris.”

"He will not," Steve says.

"Well, if he's going to kill me, he does not need a cup!" Stark says, sitting in a chair and gliding over to them joyfully, "Hey, beauty, haven’t seen you for a day, how are you feeling now ?"

Steve thinks for a few seconds before he realizes that he is greeting Bucky's robotic arm. He is responsible for overhauling it, and give it all kinds of nicknames these days. That make others wonder if he built up a special emotional bond with the robotic arm. 

Bucky watches Stark vigilantly. He is used to him these days, knowing he is helping, but he maybe is going to attack him suddenly. Considering the record in his archives, it will be lethal.

Steve put his hand on Bucky's intact arm unconsciously , the man stiffens, but doesn’t break away.

"Jarvis," Stark says, making a snap.

"Yes, sir," the Artificial Intelligence says, the screen flickering and lit up, and a lot of data come out, and the holographic screen is wiping around and it looks like exactly what Stark wants. Their understanding each other is so perfect.

Stark asks Bucky a few questions, all about the details of the induction or something like that, and then happily chatted with Jarvis, what they are talking Steve can’t understand completely. He is feeling Bucky’s robotic arm seemed join their little circle, while Bucky himself is excluded.

So he no longer tries to understand what Stark is talking about, and begins to talk with Bucky. He tells him it will be over soon and everything will be ok. The man who is talking to stars at Steve's hand on his arm, as if that is something worth studying.

Stark says, "Seriously, why haven’t you two find somewhere to make love?"  
Steve startled, he searches every corner in his brain to find a counterattack.

Clint suggests that if he responds to a joke, he should say more exaggerating words in that way, until the other side has nothing to say. But what can he say, says "You should be quick, so I can make love with Bucky"? It does not sound strong, and it makes him embarrassing. He thinks he hasn’t a ability to play a joke like that.

So he just says, "Keeping body and language touching will help Bucky calm down."

"So I let you go and have sex, Captain," Stark says, "you know, you can touch a little more, and I will not be hurt.”

Steve looks at his hand on Bucky's arm and feels that it is not too much contact. Bucky and he often had touched each other, and they had stumbled across the street after fighting with others. Bucky had taught him how to dance by holding his waist 

In previous time if he did that, people would react normally, and they would say they were really good brothers. They would not suggest that they should make love.

"shut up and do your check," he says.

"I just put forward a proposal, Captain," Stark says, moving around Bucky and checking his arm. "You know, this is the sexiest thing I've ever seen, it's very powerful, and extremely flexible ... if I have Such a boyfriend, wow Oh, I can not let such a hand idle.

Steve feels his face blush, and he cann’t say a word, hoping at any cost in exchange for the end of the maintenance.

Natasha said that because of this, Stark always plays jokes on him. But Steve has no way to become a man same as others, even after two years adjusting. he is still that Steve.

Seventy years later, the world has become more civilized. More people will be happy in a peaceful and open world, but he is left so far away. He thinks, he even can’t make a joke.


End file.
